Are Rich People Selfish?

Rich people are arrogant, selfish, stuck-up, greedy, only about themselves…right?

Now before you build yourself a mental bouncy-house and jump up and down in grinning agreement, consider a possibility. What if the answer is actually…no?

Trent Dilfur, a retired NFL quarterback, had this to say about money. Pay close attention.

“Money makes you more of what you already are.”

I’ve heard it said—gosh I’ve said it myself—that money can make someone arrogant and selfish. We hear stories all the time about those that were once so “generous” and “kind” and “down-to-earth” until they made a lot of money or became “all big and famous.” Yet behind all of these “accurate” stories lays a huge misunderstanding of money’s muscle.

Yes money is powerful. We are all very aware of that.

But the misconception rests in our understanding of what this power is; what money essentially does.

Money does not create something new. It takes what is already there and exponentially expands, inflates, and enlarges it. The result of this is clarity. It brings a crystal clear vision to who you really are.

Money is the mushroom that turns little Mario into big Mario.

Yes, we have all met very wealthy people who were very egotistical or selfish or greedy. But don’t think that it was money that made them that way. Money simply made it obvious to you what they already were before they had it.

Which takes us full circle…smack dab in the face of you and me. What are you like?

Are you selfish? Do you really put others first on a regular basis? Do you have proof?

Are you greedy? Don’t be misled; you can be very poor and extremely gluttonous.

Are you proud? Remember that there is extreme pride found in low self-esteem.

But the better questions are…

How well do you love? Are you generous now with what you have? Are you kind to those who are rude to you?

Ouch. I just asked myself these questions…

What Should I Do With My Life?

As I sat by the fireplace in my blue checkered robe sipping the homemade vanilla latte I had recently brewed up, the warmth of the fire fell upon my cold back. It was the week before it was time to get a new daily planner marked “2012” and already my mind was bustling with new aspirations and resolutions. “What am I going to do with my life?”

On the brown carpet before me lay an open book. As my eyes swept through the stream of words a specific quote stopped me dead in the water.

* * *

We all want to do something great with our life; to look back and know that we have made some sort of difference. And many times it seems that we never find the right job, career, or purpose for our lives to make that happen. I have had many talks with good friends of mine who find themselves stuck within the hurricane of wondering what they should do with their life. “What is my calling…my purpose…what kind of job or career would I love?”

I must admit that I have been there my whole life. I’ve always known that I wanted to make a big impact on the world, “But how?”—or perhaps more specifically, “What?”

Maybe you are there as well. Or possibly the question seemed so frustrating, and not seeming to find the right answer, you pushed the thought aside, trying to come to terms with what we mistakenly call “reality.” Whatever the case, it certainly is a central question in the human life.

* * *

As the words permeated through my skin I felt as if a weight had been lifted. As I excitedly read it over and over I realized that here lay the answer to that question. More than anything it felt like I had permission; like when your parents give you the “go-ahead” to spend the night at your best friend’s house.

And so I offer this quote from a man named Howard Thurman with no further explanation. Maybe this is the answer to that haunting question, “What should I do with my life?”

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The Ironic Decision Women Make

I read a great quote the other day and it got me thinking about the ironic decision that so many women make. It is a choice that battles against her very desire in an attempt to calm the fear of never experiencing the fulfillment of it. Here is what I read.

“Every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen.” (Wild at Heart, 182)

There is a reason why a woman wants a man to propose to her, instead of the other way around. Not only does a woman want to be noticed, to stop a man in his tracks in jaw-dropping recognition of her beauty, and to be pursued, but also to be chosen. This is very important to her heart.

For a man to see all the other beauties in the world or in the room and still say, “I want to be with you” is deeply longed for. And because this craving is so deep in her heart it is also the seed to her greatest fear.

“What if no one wants me? What if I never get chosen?”

I will never forget the conversation I had with a lovely lady during my college years. Here before me was a girl not only physically attractive, but smart as well; mentally and personally. And yet she was stuck in a lack-luster relationship with a guy too fearful to really pursue her.

“Why are you in a relationship with this loser? You deserve so much better” I asked her one day during lunch in our college cafeteria. I will never forget her response.

“I can’t just leave. What if no one else will want me?”

Every woman would love to be chosen, but today an interesting thing is happening. More and more women have come to the conclusion that they must be the one to choose. They initiate. They ask the guy out. They are the ones to pursue.

For if a woman is not chosen then what does that say about her? Then her nightmares would come true in her mind. I’m not captivating. I’m not worth fighting for. And the thought is so terrifying that many women come to the final decision with pure determination: “This must not happen to me.”

She decides to choose, because of her fear that she may not be chosen. Ironically this one decision actually guarantees it will never happen. And though it brings relief momentarily, later on in her life that haunted fear will come back to her consciousness with the terrifying knowledge that she doesn’t nor has ever felt pursued or wanted. For she never even allowed the opportunity for a man to pursue her to ever exist.

One of my dear friends, a wonderfully beautify woman herself, once said this to me,

“The most vulnerable thing a woman can do is let a man pursue her.”

The Irreparable Past & The Irresistible Future

On the eve of 1917, within a hut designed to serve the British soldiers fighting in World War I, a man by the name of Oswald Chambers wrote the following words on a blackboard:

“The Irreparable Past—Sleep On Now. The Irresistible Future—Arise Let Us Be Going.”

As we start this New Year my mind is bustling with anticipation for what will come. A new year…ahhhhh…But just as I finish the long sigh I breathe in something else. Something toxic.

Memories.

As we step into the month of January it is easy to find yourself remembering all the mistakes, blunders, mess-ups, and slips of this last year. We want a fresh start, a clean slate, but something inside of us laughs, “Look at how many times you messed up last year. You’ll just mess it up again.” Like a party pooper these memories can steal our joy and paralyze us from taking a step outside the door of guilt and regret and onto a new path.

Yes there are things in our past that we can’t change. Promises not kept, friends we hurt, and goals not reached. But there is nothing you can do about that now. Instead, let the memories coach you into a better future.

The Past is really tired. It’s worked some long hours now. Let it Rest.

Today is the future, let’s get going.

Last night, as I was preparing for bed I was thinking about this. For me it is not just another year in the calendar, but a whole new path. I’ve currently stepped out of my job, away from that guaranteed monthly paycheck, and into the unknown of being a full time musician. The path before me is anonymous, but isn’t that what makes it exciting?

Before I crawled into my bed I wrote one sentence on my whiteboard; a simple reminder.

Let today be an Adventure.

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,200 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

My 10 Most Popular Blogs of 2011

As we come to the end of 2011 I thought it would be great to look back at this last year.  Here are the Top Ten most popular blogs of this last year…in no particular order.  Enjoy and thank you all for another fantastic year.

Red Flags of a Crappy Relationship

Ladies: How to Marry a Man Instead of a Boy

How to Fall in Love

Who a Woman Wants

The Emotional Affair: how it happens

Men Should Be More Like Peacocks…or Ducks

Naked is the Best

Marriage in Zombie Land: Weapon of Choice

The Biggest Cause of Divorce

Desire of a Woman and & Men’s Mistake

My 50 Year Christmas Tradition

Tradition is a powerful thing until you forget why you are doing it.  Traditions can become devastating once the point of it is lost.  The moment it becomes “just something we do” its time to get rid of it or get back to the real reason it was started in the first place.  But when a tradition is bound within real heart felt relationships it is life changing.

When it comes to Christmas I have been gifted with such a tradition.

It all started when my Dad was 9 years old.  My Grandmother was given a stack of Christmas stories by one of her professors in college and within the pile was an anonymously written tale of a young boy titled “…and it was Christmas Morning.”  On that Christmas Eve in my Dad’s young life my Grandma decided that before they would open any of their presents she would read this remarkable story out loud to whole family.  The story was so touching that she read it again the next Christmas Eve, and the next, and the next…

When my Mom and Dad started their own family they decided to keep the tradition alive.  As a kid it was almost torturous.  I remember sitting there listening to the smooth words of my Mother’s voice as I stared at the presents with crazed anticipation.  “I wonder what presents I got!?”

As my Mom came upon the last page of the story her words would slow down as she tried to hold back the tears.  This too became a tradition in a way; waiting to see my mom cry at the end of the story (and we would be disappointed if she didn’t).  As the last words of the story “…and it was Christmas morning” rang softly in the ears of all in the room there would be a moment of silence.  At that point we would start the wondrous evening of opening gifts.

I can not adequately explain to you how much this tradition has touched me in a deep way.  It is a tradition that me and my brother plan continuing with our families.  And the more I think about it, what makes it special is not really the story at all.  It’s the intentionality behind it.  Behind this tradition are a mother and father, starting with my Grandma that wanted Christmas to be special; who fought to keep a tradition alive because it brought our family closer together.

If you want your family to feel as though you care, make an effort to do something special with them.  Start a weird tradition and fight to keep it alive.  They may whine like I did when I was a kid, but in the end they will appreciate it.

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When “Learning a Lesson” is Not Good

A moment of unexplainable importance bumped into me today.  It found me while I was in a Starbucks waiting for my car to be fixed at the car shop.  As I looked up I noticed at the table across from me was a young man sitting quietly.  A few moments later he took out his cell phone and placed it to his hear.  The instant the words came out it was clear that he was “different.”  Some might consider him “slow” so to say.  But what I heard touched me deeply; bringing a glistening to my eyes.  As I listened I could hear that he was leaving a message of love to someone dear to him.

“How are you d-d-d-oing? I’m doing f-f-fine….I hope you have a great week-k-kend at your Grandmas… I m-m-miss you a lot. I hope to see you soon. I don’t know… when I will able to…”

You could see his difficulty in putting the phone down as if he wanted to say more yet couldn’t form the proper words to describe what he was feeling.  Hanging up the phone he slowly walked with a slight strut out the door and into the winter weather outside.

I don’t know quite what I felt.  All I know is that I had an ache.  It hurt slightly in a deep area of my heart.  I wondered how he was feeling.  The frustration of not being able to communicate what he was thinking or what he felt in his heart.

What do I take from this?  There is no lesson to learn here.  And maybe that’s the whole point.

It’s amazing how we want to take every experience and turn it into a useful teaching point; a lesson to be learned. “What did you learn from that experience?” may not be that important of a question.

Maybe the last thing I needed today was to learn anything new.  Maybe what I needed was to have my heart broken.  To take notice of a young man striving to fit in, longing to be known, and to be loved.

These moments don’t teach you anything…they MAKE you something.
Perhaps it’s not what you know that counts.  But what you care about.

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Why You Have Been Hurt

Why is there pain? This may be perhaps the biggest question of all time. But maybe what we really want to know is why does it happen to me?

Most of the deep wounds in our life seem to be centered on one area of our heart. Don’t be mistaken, the ways in which we are wounded may be very different: a cruel word, a failure, an absent father, an abusive mother, a disloyal friend, a breakup, or even getting cut from the team. But if you closely examine your heart what you find will surprise you.

All of the blows have been focused. They all seem to carry the same message with it; a message that hurts so much it’s easier to try and just blow it off, as if its not really that big of a deal. And maybe there is a reason for this.

I read a line in a book I’m reading today that caught my attention and halted my heart.

“Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.” (Wild at Heart 137)

Why have I been hurt? What if that’s the wrong question? What if all I need to do is to look at where I’ve been hurt. Maybe the answer isn’t the wound itself or the message that it brings. Maybe the answer can be found in where I’ve been attacked.

For me my wounds come with the same message: “You don’t have what it takes. In the end you will mess up and everyone will see that you are a fraud.” So I have spent my whole life hiding from my true passions. But because I wanted people to look at me with admiration I would work really really hard. It was all a front. By working hard people would assume that I was following after my dreams, but in reality I was hiding from them. I would set up excuses and even booby-trap my “dreams” in a way that I would never have the chance to succeed. Because deep inside I believed what the wounds told me…that in the end I would just mess it up.

But when I stop and look at where the attacks have been placed I see a different picture. Interestingly I have been hurt in the very place that I was designed to become. This is not a coincidence. You and I have been strategically hurt because we have an Enemy.

We have each been designed in a special and unique way. And when you follow the journey of your passions and strengths it changes the world. It brings a little light to those around you in darkness. And it brings you into an intimacy and joy that is not bounded by time. Your Enemy does not want this.

Maybe we should stop asking the question, “Why have I been hurt?” and start looking at where we have been hurt. For that is where your genius lies.

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Love: In & Out…of the Box

Love is 100% practical.

Love is also 100% unpractical.

Love is consistent and predictable.

Love is also completely spontaneous and changeable.

Love is not either/or.

Love is both/and.

Love is found amongst the day to day, uninspired, bland, common place things and work schedules.

Love is discovered amongst the heart-beating, exhilarating, and mountain moving power of first love.

Love is shown through the Tuesday night dinner made by an underappreciated mom or dad.

Love is revealed in the soft glow of a romantic candlelight dinner.

Love is strategic, calculated, and well planned.

Love is also spur-of-the-moment, unstructured, and out of anyone’s control.

Love is not either/or.

Love is both/and.  Not 50/50 or 70/30.

But 100/100.  Fully one.  Fully the other.

It is everything that is possible and all that is impossible.

Its mystery can be summed up with a question from Outkast:

“If nothing lasts forever, what makes Love the exception?”

Love has known death.  Yet Love is Eternal.

For love is not a thing.  But a Person.

The question is

Who?

 

 

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This is only a tiny part of TANTALIZING TUESDAYS. Everyone who is on our exclusive list gets the following sent to them via email every Tuesday…

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