I have been reading the latest book by Donald Miller—the Blue Like Jazz guy—called Father Fiction. On most of my days off I will end up taking a walk to my friendly neighborhood Starbucks, talking to myself out loud as I move my hips to the rhythm of my thoughts as they bounce off the pavement back to my ears. It’s the way I process things. And no I don’t care if you think I’m crazy. After this amazing conversation with my internal self I settle myself at a table, get some coffee, and read.
As I was busting through the pages of Donald Miller’s poetic style of wordage a specific chapter hit me hard. So impressed with what he had to say I thought that I should share it with you. He was talking about the topic of dating and what woman and men are really looking for.
A woman is something of great value, and there is no doubt that us guys have spent all of human history trying to figure out how to get one for ourselves. But despite most of our efforts we have lost the point. We try so hard to impress a woman, try to do things that will get their attention, learn the best pickup lines, but none of this is what gets a truly great woman.
According to Miller, and I have to agree with him, what a woman really wants is a guy that has Confidence. We all have enough insecurities of our own, no one wants to also deal with yours. It has been said throughout the century that behind a great man is great woman; there may be quite a bit of truth in that. Every woman wants to be apart of an Adventure; and a man who has taken life by the reigns of that horse, who reaches down and offers to take her with him…he is the man of great attraction. Confidence is a magnet that draws. Insecurity only attracts predators.
How to get the Girl
So how do you get the girl; not for the next week, but the one for life? Step 1: stop dating. What? No really. What you need is not more experience in taking a girl out, what you need is Confidence. A warning that Miller pointed out that I think is crucial is: Don’t Act Confident. Be Confident. This doesn’t come from saying to yourself over and over “I can do it, I can do it.”
Step 2: Spend some time getting really good at something. Start playing a sport, learn the mandolin, the guitar, or whatever tickles your interest. As you spend time getting better at something you will grow in confidence. Another warning: don’t do this so that you can get a girl. That doesn’t work either.
The truth is if you are an insecure guy and a girl is attracted to you…she has some big insecurities of her own and you don’t want the future (or lack of) that brings. A confident woman is beautiful, and she has no time for guys who are looking to be mothered.
This is as much something I need to hear as all of us. In summary, if you want a sizzling woman of inside-out beauty you need to do two things.
1. Stop Dating.
2. Go get good at something.
Confidence is a muscle that can be built. Go build it.
If you’re already good at something, don’t forget a little humbleness. There’s a fine line between self-confidence and pride. Confidence is attractive and valuable, but pride can be a turn off, or even intimidating, and has the potential to damage even a great woman’s self-confidence if brought into the relationship.
[...] Who a Woman Wants [...]