The Biggest Red Flag of All

Is myself.

“Who you are is who you will meet.” Erwin McManus


I remember when He said it.

“Gordon, if you want to have a great woman, you must first become a great man.”

Those words changed my life forever.

Before that my focus was finding the right person for me.  I even created a two page, bullet point list titled, “My Future Wife.”  (Yeah, I was always a little different than the other guys).  She was out there.  And I was determined to find her.

Guess what.  I never did.

I needed to stop looking for her and start looking in the mirror.

Would I want to marry me?  Though I was afraid to admit it, I had little self-confidence.  And I was not nearly as responsible as I thought either.  I had a lot of stuff to work on.

The biggest red flag, it turns out, wasn’t in others.  It was in me.

So I packed up my metaphorical bags and headed out on the journey of becoming a better me.  And as I became a healthier more confident man,  I noticed something curious.  I started encountering girls of different quality.

I was meeting who I was becoming.

And that is how I met the love of my life.  It took years of work.  I had to become better myself.  But it was worth the work.

*                *                *

I want to conclude with some words from a favorite book of mine.  They are poignant.  Dipped in raw truth.  And they reveal something curious about being human.

“More important than finding your spouse is becoming the kind of person who’s ready to get married. We expend so much time and energy dreaming about finding the perfect man or woman.

“But we can’t control that. . .

“The odds are that you will marry somebody who is a mirror of your character. . .If you’re not going anywhere with your life, don’t expect to marry someone who is. . .

“Right now you are becoming your future.

“That’s why the months or years or decades of waiting are so vital.  You’re building the foundation.  And how you build, who you are in the here and now, matters more than you know.”

-John Mark Comer.  Loveology.

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