Staring at the blinking cursor surrounded by the blank white page I had a sudden urge to journey back in time. Opening up the old archives from 3 years ago I noticed a particular blog post that seized my attention. As I re-read the words I was struck by the story I had nearly forgotten. I believe in my heart its something that needs to be retold.
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I was talking with a friend this weekend and he started opening up to me and sharing his story. The night before he had visited his mom and her new husband…and it didn’t turn out so good.
When he was a kid he remembered hearing his parents fight a lot, but he didn’t know about what. Then the day came in high school when his parents officially broke it off and got divorced.
“I wanted to go live with my mom, but she didn’t want me to. My own mother didn’t want me. So I’ve lived with my dad ever since.”
Feeling moved by his vulnerability I asked how the whole situation made him feel. One word came from his lips: Abandoned.
More specifically, he said he felt abandoned by his mom. Can you imagine knowing that your own mother didn’t want you? Maybe you can.
As we talked more he expressed to me how he has always felt that the whole situation was his fault. That maybe if he was older he could have stopped the fighting or something…maybe he was an extra stress on the family that drove his mom away?
It amazes me how easy it is to take the blame for something that we have no control over. My friend asked the question, “Was it my fault?” No it wasn’t. But that doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way.
So I guess I’m speaking to two people here. The first group of you are the ones that can relate to my friend; you’ve experienced divorce or some form of abandonment. Please know that it is not your fault. They made their choice. Was it fair? Absolutely not…and it sucks. Let’s just be honest.
The second group are those of you like me. Here you are listening to your friend talk about the abandonment they are experiencing, what do you say? My advice: not much. Just listen. Let them know you got their back. And for goodness sake let them know it’s not their fault! But nothing more.
Tantalizing Tuesdays 
True on both counts, G. I grew up with two homes, and just recently experienced the shattering effects of divorce. Everything I have learned from all of this confirms what you say here, particularly about those who are on the listening end. Don’t judge, just support.